Iryn Mwiza, a Kigali resident, recently celebrated her 35th birthday, with a party, gifts and special messages in tow. Whereas she enjoyed the attention she got that day, she wasn't entirely thrilled. For some reason, in that moment of celebrating with friends, she started to think about things she hadn't yet achieved at her age.
Growing up, Mwiza hoped that by the time she turned 30, she'd be married, with at least two children and a business of her own. However, at 35, she is yet to get any of these.
Like Mwiza, people tend to go into despair as the clock ticks and years add up without any achievements to speak of, and these (achievements) can be anything for different people, like furthering one's education, buying a car, constructing a house, travelling the world, and so forth.
Pressure
Mutesi Gasana, the founder of Ubuntu Publishers and Arise Education Rwanda, believes that sometimes society incites pressure as it tends to craft a list of things one must achieve at some point in one's life.
This, she says, has left many people in debt trying hard to maintain lifestyles they can't afford, fit in with their peers, and gain respect.
"There is no known age to have a car, wife or husband or buy and own a house, every person has priorities in life and should be left with the comfort and choice to have what they need to do first," she says.
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Gasana adds that every individual has internal struggles like financial and social status which contribute a lot to their lifestyle. However, she is of the view that one ought to look at health as a priority and let other things follow.
According to Gasana, society shouldn't put anyone's life on a yardstick, what is necessary is to set one's own terms and limits, and decide what comes first or last.
With preparation, maturity, and closure of one's ears to external noise and pressure, Gasana has no doubt that one can tick all their boxes of triumph.
"We may be living in the most peaceful time in humanity's existence. However, the challenges people face today are tougher than at any time in history, from academic stress, parental communication, social media bombardment, dating drama, abuse, bullying, addictions, depression, to peer pressure," Damien Mouzoun, a family counsellor at Ayina Think Tank Rwanda, a social enterprise and peacebuilding institute, says.
He says that most people living in a social mirror-centred reality find it hard to understand themselves regarding their own needs.
"In our counselling services, it is very common to come across many people, particularly young adults, under the pressure of ageing, marriage or living standards of some kind. There should be no deadline for doing all these things," Mouzoun says.
The family counsellor urges people to choose their own priorities, emphasising that it's the key to a happy life in a world that often seems bent on self-destruction.
Let life take its course
Tom Vianney Gakumba, a pastor at Christ Kingdom Embassy Church in Kimironko, says that failure to attain things that society calls 'achievements' will never be considered 'futile' if we all are hungry and thirsty for purpose.
He highlights that failure to live for purpose leaves many people with gaps, which pushes them to look around with dissatisfaction.
"People have married young and are unfulfilled, driven posh cars but are not happy. If we positioned our time and energy on the exact thing we are meant to execute on earth, we would be the most successful people that have ever lived," Gakumba says.
He says that every blessing is placed on the perfect path, noting that no one needs to strain about age, because once we get stressed about doing things at a certain time, the right people will be strained to find us.
"Devote yourself to serving God and He will assist you to fix whatever is not stable in your life."
Innocent Kabera, a family counsellor in Kimironko, says that there is a need to learn about the stages of life, stressing that life is a u-shaped curve.
He explains that looking at the role of happiness in a person's life, one would notice that we feel happy in the earliest stages of our life, through the teen years and the early 20s. After the early 20s, the curve bends downwards and we start to get sadder. This is caused by the pressures of life.
However, Kabera says, in one's late 40s, happiness may come back. Before hitting 40, one is lost in creating networks, searching for jobs, and building a life. After that, some people start to enjoy the fruits of what they hustled for.
"By understanding these stages, one's pressure may be lowered. It's quite unfortunate that most people's pressure escalates not based on what they want to achieve, but what others around them have attained," Kabera says.
He adds that some people compare themselves to others not knowing what circumstances came their way or the support that was rendered to them, highlighting that everyone has an individual timeline.
Kabera points out that when one is frustrated about what they haven't accomplished in life, they are likely to trigger depression, fail to push forward to the next step, burn out due to overworking, live an imbalanced life, and sacrifice their relationships.
Financial consideration
For Himanshu Arvind Kapadia, an account and financial consultant in Kigali, ticking some important boxes is very important if one is planning to buy a house, car or travel. The key is being financially disciplined and gathering related information.
He notes that arranging a down payment is a must when buying assets. Even though one acquires a loan from a financial institute, one needs to arrange a down payment of between 15 to 20 per cent of the cost of the asset.
To build your down-payment fund, start cost-cutting, avoid wasteful spending, clear your debts and try to expand your income pool, Kapadia adds.
He says one ought to prepare a budget and stick to it. Rent, groceries, dining out, shopping, entertainment, and wherever your money goes, start analysing, and then decide how much you want to spend every month, adding that it is important to track your income and expenses every month.
"You don't have to cut off your lifestyle expenses completely, just trim them. For example, if you're currently eating out 10 times a month, cut it down to five or six and save some money. Similarly, if you spend money on the gym, try to do a workout at home and keep that money aside."
Kapadia recommends doing research on how much you need in savings and how long it will take. "For instance, the cost and maintenance of a Toyota are less than any luxury brand like BMW or Mercedes, and the cost of a one-bedroom apartment downtown is much higher than that of in the outskirts."
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He urges saving to invest, explaining that investment is a must for everyone irrespective of their level of income. This is because it gives more return compared to just saving, and leads to financial security and support during stages of low income and after retirement.
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"Return on investment not only grows wealth but also gives an additional income stream. It protects us in the event of a financial emergency. It offers us the freedom to pursue career dreams, get long-term security, avoid debts, and be financially independent.
He further suggests Equated Monthly Installment (EMI)-- a fixed payment amount made by a borrower to a lender at a specified date each calendar month--as many dreams may need the support of a financial institution.
The financial expert notes that a good credit score not only makes one eligible for a loan to fulfil their dreams but also increases one's negotiating power for lower interest rates.
He says that purchasing a home, or car or going for a vacation isn't an easy task, but delaying the plan may not be profitable either.
This is why he recommends being informed and learning to manage money well, noting that making certain sacrifices is important too, as this will pay off once those dreams are accomplished.
Kapadia further says that in order to increase wealth, provide financial security and support your dream purchase, you must settle debts.
Any debt that you're paying interest for is more than seven per cent per annum a bad debt, and needs to be settled as soon as possible, he adds.
"Once you pay off the debts with the highest interest rate or settled the smallest outstanding balances first, you will have more money to invest."
Kapadia's advice is to save for emergencies or something you want. For instance, always keep a total of at least three months' income in a fixed deposit account for any emergency, or to pay high purchases. This will keep you from getting a loan which has a high-interest rate.
Once you've settled all your debt and have money saved on the side, find an additional source of income, Kapadia says.
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