Being a journalist is tough, especially if you work in an environment which cannot be described as conducive, that is why these guys are referred to as the "Fourth Estate", and don't even try to ask me the name of that estate.
I remember how journalists are always accused of being nosy fellows and to some extent I think it is the correct description, because these people are paid to look where they are not supposed to look.
That is why just the other as I sat in my local pub, Zakayo's Pub thinking of the life of a journalist, I remembered how these people, also known as scribes, pushed the Son of Man, Jesus Christ himself, to the brink of fury, and we should understand why he said 'Woe unto you scribes and Pharisees....' or something to that effect.
With every empty bottle that was removed and replaced by another full one by Fatuma, the pretty new bar maid, my mind transported me to the land of Pilate, where the residents of that city, after some of them were walloped by Jesus for invading the synagogue, they screamed to Pilate that this man should surely die.
I believe that scribes, or journalists had a frantic time trying to get all the details, right from the beginning to the end, and I imagined the editor of a paper we can call the 'Bethlehem Times' cornering one of his reporters and telling him that he should write a detailed feature article of the sentence.
Anyway, as my mind continue to suffer from the effects of the brown bottle containing brown, frothy liquid, I could see how the scribes reacted when they got a tip that there is a woman who claimed that she got pregnant even though she was still a virgin.
"Now listen here Mordechai, I trust you because you are my senior reporter. There is a friend of mine who lives on the 22nd Street on Nazareth Avenue, who has just told me that there is a woman who claims that she is pregnant, but the point is, she is still a virgin!" the editor told his reporter.
He gives him clear instructions and tells him to take the company donkey and go to Nazareth and interview the woman and get a good story on how this could happen and the reporter shoots off.
The next day, the Bethlehem Times has a screaming headline "Virgin Nazareth woman pregnant", and I pictured how the public went wild and within a short time a score of journalists were outside the woman's house.
"A woman in Nazareth, who identified herself as Mary, has shocked residents of her town after she claimed that she is pregnant by the Holy Spirit.
The woman who claims to be a virgin and who is engaged to a local carpenter, told our reporter that an angel appeared to her in her sleep and told her that she will get pregnant through the Holy Spirit," read the first and the second paragraph of the story.
On the other side of town, the editor of Galilee Tribunal summoned his reporters and after a quick brainstorming, they decided to send Jechonias to Nazareth with clear instructions. "The Nazareth Times have given us a scoop, so by all means we have to come up with something better.
I understand the woman, Mary, has a fiancé called Joseph, he is a carpenter near the Nazareth market, make sure that you get an exclusive interview with him," said the editor. Two days later, the Galilee Tribunal hit the streets of Galilee with their own headline.
"It wasn't me, claims pregnant virgin's fiancé", and on page three of the tribunal, another reporter, Eleazar, had interviewed a doctor from Galilee National Hospital, who tried to give scientific explanation of the pregnancy. My mind which by then was running on full charge after consuming a good number of brown bottles transferred me to the time when Jesus was invited to a wedding in Galilee.
A reporter from Jerusalem News, Laban Elias, had been assigned to cover Jesus full time, after He proved to the people that the miracles he performed were not influenced by a witchdoctor from a part of Africa called Bagamoyo. He corners the father of the bridegroom, who was pacing up and down, scratching his long beard and muttering to himself.
He looked worried, and Zablon, a veteran journalist, approaches cautiously. "Excuse me sir, my name is Zablon Elias from the Jerusalem News. I understand that your daughter is getting married today, and you have invited Jesus of Nazareth as the guest of honour, why the long face?" he asks.
The old man looks at him as if he has just dropped from the nearest sycamore tree, and swears in Yiddish loudly. He tells Zablon that the guests are having fun inside, but the goons who were supposed to bring the wine are just plain mafisadis. "I have been outside here for almost an hour now, trying to understand what to do next. Can you imagine they are telling me that the wine is finished!?" he screamed.
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Zablon notices a man coming their way, and by the look of him, he looked very tipsy, as he zigzagged towards them, singing Jewish circumcision songs on the top of his voice. He came and stood in front of the old man, and pointing an accusing finger at him, he tells him in a drunken voice that he did not like his behaviour one bit.
"I have been to very many weddings in and out of Galilee, but I have never tasted wine as good as the one you have just brought in. Sio vizuri kabisa, you give us low quality wine until we are drunk and that is when you introduce the best, vibaya sana!" he tells the old man before he collapsed in a heap and starts snoring like a faulty generator.
I believe the best one is when the editor of Zion on Sunday got an exclusive interview with Barabas, the thief who was pardoned instead of Jesus. "It was a lucky break, because for a minute I thought that this was the end of the line for me.
I am sure that residents of this peaceful town are glad to see me free, because by now their pockets have become too heavy with gold coins, and they are waiting eagerly for me to relieve them!"
