I've spent a lot of time in introspection, almost a full minute, reflecting and asking myself the tough questions: am I an Ass-man or Sass-man?

Dear fans of the South Africa S*** Show (Sass), dear sassies, my dearest sassmen, sasswomen, and gendersassy folk.

I must apologise, I've missed a few episodes of our favourite show in recent weeks. Blame it all on what is undoubtedly the biggest show on the planet right now, the America S*** Show (Ass). I totally got distracted by that big Ass and I have failed you in my role as our country's most important living or unliving television soapie critic.

I can't even completely blame the brilliant writers on Sass for my lack of interest. From the bits I've caught here and there, it seems those talented scribes are still amazing as ever. That said, there's always room for improvement, and I have thoughts, which I will share in a moment.

But first, to continue my apology tour: yes, I understand as much as the next man that we live in an era of multitasking, and that we should be at the ready, jumping from one task to the next. And of course, by that logic, just because I couldn't keep my eyes off that big Ass and...