When I was in Arba Minch University, I had been living with my younger sister, brother, and my baby girl. Since my husband used to live in Addis Ababa, it was me who was taking care of my daughter along with my family members. As my younger sister spent most of her time at home, her attachment to my baby was very strong and affectionate. Thus, it is possible to say that my baby was mainly under the guidance of my sister. For the purpose of this article, let me raise one coincidence. My baby was a very free, funny, communicable and smart girl in the compound where we, lecturers, used to live. She had lots of friends of the same age. One day, I was so tired; and I was lying on the bench. My baby was playing outside. My sister though was busy with kitchen chores; she was checking the baby at a certain time interval; of course, without the knowledge of the baby.
Suddenly we heard the scream of my baby. We got out nervously. My sister arrived first and asked the babies what had happened. Then my baby replied that her friend called Babush who was of her age beat her. My baby was sure that my sister could beat Babush back. But my sister didn't do that. She even had forbidden me not to accuse that baby. She turned her face to my baby and said "If he beats you, you need to beat him back. I will help you if more than one baby beats you. But in this case, you should take care of yourself. Go and defend yourself."
I was too sympathetic to my daughter, but I understood that this should be the right way to build my girl's confidence. Then after, my baby never came back with any form of accuse. She confronts her friends. My sister continuously examined her while the baby was playing. If someone stood against her, she faced him or her in the same way. Now, my daughter is a 12-year-old girl. I realized this trait of hers last year. When she took her grade- six Ministry Final Exam, students from different schools were planning to fight with the students of her school. Then she told me, "Mam, today I will confront students who want to face our school students." I said stay away from such things. Just leave them. But she said "No". We didn't do anything bad to them. We never reached at them. They simply wanted to influence us. Thus, I have to show them my effort." I was very disturbed. But her father said, "This is my strong girl. Go ahead and show them yourself. Don't allow anyone to go over you. Just face them." That day I was calling her teachers and I was almost on my way to that exam center.
Finally, the school director gave me a call. I picked that phone up with a shivering hand. I was sure that he would tell me how hurtled my baby in the confrontation. But the story was different. "Your daughter had admired us and the school is proud on what she has done." I said, "What do you mean?" He said the following with a tone accompanied by a chuckle: "She was very strong and confident enough that she invited everyone to face her if they wanted any trouble. Then, everybody was surprised and no one was able to face her. You raised her in a very disciplined, responsible, and honest way. We thank you very much." I wished these words to be meant to my sister. She was the one who sowed this seed in my girl's mind.
When I compare myself to the age of my daughter, I get admired. Even these days, I am too shy to express myself. If I go with her anywhere, she immediately gets involved with the people around her and takes what she wants with simple communication. But such things are very tough for me. The way she grew up is contrary to mine. I grew up with rigid and submissive values and norms that the community had imposed upon females. Females are good females if they keep themselves away from any show-ups. It is forbidden for the girls to appear from the kitchen and see who came to their house. They should stay hidden from any exposure.
Even while we were high school students, we, females, were expected to make our roads through shrubs and trees, because pavements were endorsed only for males under socially constructed norms and values. This has impacted me till today from equally participating in various ceremonies and even positions.
Once, the Nobel Peace Prize winner, Leymah Gbowee, Liberian, was on stage narrating her story as a woman for the females in the universe to teach a lesson. She was very simple and friendly when presenting her terrible life. She said that for her current self-being and strength, it was her grandmother who shaped her past from the very beginning. From her narration, I have picked three important things that she drew from her grandmother, mother, and the community.
Since her mother was too young and was giving birth frequently, Leynah was supposed to go to her grandmother who was very rich, economically capable, and had time to take care of her and her other sisters. She recalled that her mother sent her and her sisters three dollars for their birthday. She confessed that she was not good at managing that dollar. After some time, her mother asked them what they did with that dollar. Her sisters might say that they worked on the money and multiplied it with three more. Then she took a lesson on what to do next time. But her mother had a say on that "If your husband brings rice, you should be able to find a charcoal for cooking it. If you can't do that then this place could be taken by an outsider." This was the greatest lesson on how to be economically empowered and to keep the space under her control. Then she started to cope with the challenges that are related to money.
In this context, I need to raise the personal strengths of the Ethiopian actress and businesswoman Yetnayet Tamirat. While she was conducting an interview with Maraki Wog, Yetnayet said that she learned to be an independent woman who never looks for the hands of anyone. She was exercising to be an independent woman from an early age. It was her mother who paved the way to stand on her own. She is a very successful and confidential woman.
Leynah also shared her childhood experience on the stage. She said that when she was in a clash with boys and came to her grandmother to accuse, her grandma said: "Do you have a brother, no you don't have any. Again it is you who face that challenge, so, it should be you who have to fight for yourself. Go and fight back." This expression did empower her to solve problems on her own. She stopped looking for someone to help. She exercised to account for herself only. That is why she mobilized more than 2000 women for the peace-building process without anyone's help.
Yetnayet is also a very strong woman that she made her own business by herself. When she divorced her husband, she gave everything that belonged to the man. She was too confident that she could do more on her own. She did it. The journalist, who conducted the interview, was much admired for the way she organized her home, work, and family. She was a very prominent woman who could practically show her efficacy as a female.
Leynah also mentioned the relevance of community in her own self-realization referring to her younger age experience. While she was in her mother's home, her uncle was living next to their home. He was usually abusing his wife. He frequently mistreated her physically and verbally. He insulted her in front of the gatherings. She said that she was crying for this woman. Whenever such things happened, Leynah's mind was leveling the severity of verbal abuse as the most frustrating type of abuse against women. She said her mind did tolerate the physical abuse. But she was very patient and anxious on the verbal one.
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She married and gave birth to three children. Her husband was the rudest one and abused her for more than 5 years. She was also three months pregnant with the fourth child. One day, her husband came to her and insulted her in front of the people. She mentioned that incident as it was the end of her abusive marriage. She left that marriage and ran with three children and a three-month fetus. Though lots of trials were made to change her mind, she never got back to that life.
She then started to work on herself. She continued her degree with the four young children who needed great care of her. She was too strong to cope with the environment. Here, I can raise many issues that this woman could face. Disguising the style of the students in her class, and adapting the way of life, the educational system itself could be so challenging. But she completed her education with good results. She then started serving the community in a very valuable way. The skills this woman had, were very influential in mobilizing over 2000 women in Liberia who demanded peace. This effort was recognized and let her win the Nobel Peace Prize.
The above sampled prominent women's lives show that the socialization of women from an early age had a greater effect on the personal self-realization of the woman. This is very impactful for affecting the process of empowering women and combating gender-based treatments in the continent. Thus, the basic job to be done is in the family and community. A bigger effort should be exerted at grassroots level. That is the family needs to guide the female members to face everything as the male members. If that is shaped appropriately, competent and self-asserted women could dominate spaces
