In my quest to find this quality that I have lost, I'm finding that it's all about choosing ways to bounce back

I used to be resilient. What happened? I'm about to move into a new apartment and I'm a hot mess. Why?

I've moved house 28 times without a qualm; I've moved cities, nationally and internationally (Cape Town, Makhanda, Zastron, Durban, Gqeberha, London once, New York twice), without a sweat.

In fact, people widened their eyes when I used to say I loved moving - listed as one of life's most stressful things, up there with divorce and the death of a loved one.

The excitement of redecorating. A chance to declutter. Taking in new views and angles of the city. Familiarising myself with the neighbourhood. Finding a new favourite coffee spot...

And so, I am perplexed by the levels of anxiety that plague my waking hours and have me in a looping first circle of Dante's hell in the 3am witching hour.

I have become less resilient with age.

Bedtime ritual

So much has changed in the past decade or two. I marvel when looking back to the days when, at night, I climbed into my bed and went to sleep.

My bedtime ritual is more complex now:...