Cheating and revenge cheating are two ills that need to be done away with to build stronger marriages where children are raised in dignity, First Lady Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa has said.
She made the remarks while addressing thousands of people at the launch of her Afrikana Family Humanism programme in Mashonaland East Province which seeks to weed out promiscuity, gender-based violence, drug abuse and general lawlessness which are tearing families apart.
Mashonaland East became the eighth province where the educative and highly-interactive programme was launched amid laughter and candid discussions.
Some fed-up women were boiling over to the extent that their divorced colleagues openly advised them to follow suit to ease the pain from their husband's philandering.
"Budawo iwe unotsvagawo yako pain ease. Nguva yekushungurudzwa uchichema yakapfuura. If you cannot beat them, join them," they shouted.
This proved that the issue of cheating and revenge cheating among couples had reached an alarming stage so much that if the mother of the nation had not intervened, it would have been difficult to control or contain it.
The First Lady, who is firmly grounded in the country's cultural norms and values initially addressed women separately as men held their own discussions before later holding a combined session where she emphasised the need for unity, love and harmony to maintain dignity.
She also distributed Christmas hampers to the elderly and chiefs at the highly subscribed launch.
She also donated tonnes of rice to communities.
The event came at a time when women who had over the years grown accustomed to cheating by men had coined the statement "if you can't beat them, join them" and were openly cheating in revenge, prompting the First Lady to act.
Her toll-free line 575, she said, was also inundated with calls from women who were saying they had had enough and the kitchen had become too hot for them.
"Fellow women, I have been prompted to come here by a thorny issue. I hear that women are now doing anything convenient to them in the walls of their matrimonial homes and varikuti varikutamba irikurira vari pavarume vavo ipapo zvevorongedza mabag kudzokera kumusha kwavo varikuti kudhara ikoko.
"Women are saying they used to fast for 30 days and go up the mountains for the sake of their marriages thinking men would stay put, but they are being stressed more. They are saying if we can't beat them, we join them.
"All these issues were being relayed to me by women who were phoning on the toll-free line 575 in my office. I have been to seven provinces and the case is the same. Mashonaland East is the eighth province and I have come to inquire as to whether this is the case here," she said.
All the women responded with an emphatic "yes".
"God created us as women and said you shall give birth, work for the country, work for your kindred and families. You shall take care of those indisposed on health.
"We were given those tasks by God. He never gives us burdens that we cannot carry. He assigned us those tasks knowing that we were fighters and victors.
"We executed the tasks well and filled the earth. Even the men who trouble us came forth from the womb of a woman. But God never said we should be promiscuous. Let us talk madzimai and fix our marriages and mend our ways as women," she said.
Pastor Pauline Mutyanda threw her weight fully behind the First Lady's programme, describing it as necessary and key to the success of marriages.
"We are pleased with this programme because women pay for the troubles started by men. Men are coming to us as Pastors crying out that women are cheating. They come to the counselling room crying that this is how far it has gone.
"As pastors, we now have the burden of consoling men. Previously, in the old days, we knew that women fasted for their homes, but the tables have turned.
"Women are now saying men should instead fast for their homes because we are now dancing to the tune being played. Now we are towards December, bonus time and women are saying all the money is being splashed on side chicks with nothing for the household.
"Women are saying forward with cheating and the one who feels the heat must march out. They are not backtracking. Our mother is saying yes this is tough, but two wrongs do not make a right. I am glad Mhamha you have come to talk to us so that we strengthen our marriages.
"As women, we love our husbands but they are the same men who changed our behaviour/character. With your teachings Amai, we believe men and women will turn back to good morals," she said.
Mashonaland East Victim Friendly Unit Police Inspector Temptation Kubvoruno concurred that domestic violence cases were on the increase as cheated men often battered their spouses for cheating.
"Amai, it's true that domestic violence cases are on the increase as women are being bashed for cheating. If you ask the woman, she never hides the fact saying men started it all.
"Also, lack of communication is triggering violence in the home. Instead of discussing, it's now dog eat dog. Infidelity is breaking marriages and, in most times, leading to death," she said.
A discussant poured her heart out.
"Men are stressing us. I give him his conjugal rights, but why then is he spending all his earnings on a woman of low morals? How do I feel in such circumstances? I am practicing lock and key in the home, but out there I dish out the 'goodies' until such a time when he appreciates that his earnings must come home," she said.
The wife of Chief Seke, Mrs Naume Chimanikire started by thanking the First Lady for the programme.
She advised that most cases coming before the chief had to do with conjugal rights as men were saying their spouses were denying them the rights, while on the other hand, women said they were no longer interested as men were cheating.
"Your programme Amai will make women turn the tables and immediately take the correct path, but some women are even falling pregnant for other men and make their spouses rear illegitimate children," she said.
A woman rose from the floor and shared that she was between a rock and a hard place because her husband was consuming intoxicating substances.
"We love our husbands, but they are taking drugs which makes it difficult for them to perform in the bedroom. At my parents' home, we had all the food such that I did not get married for sadza. I am left with no choice, but to seek relief elsewhere," she said with a straight face.
The views were quashed by another discussant who urged her married colleagues to be hygienic and bath.
"I am now married, although I was a side chick. The problem with my elder sisters is that they resist bathing and when we fill the void, they start condemning us, they also follow their husbands to the bar and workplace where they cause scenes. A man cannot stand such rubbish. His wife abused him and I eased into his heart," she said.
Men were also largely blamed for the current state of affairs.
"Men are cheating, claiming that we were not virgins upon marriage. Even if we quarrel in the home, you are reminded that you were not a virgin.
"But how many girls did these men bed before getting married? What happened to those girls they bedded? Even if they marry a virgin, these men still cheat," she said, triggering laughter from the crowd.
A woman shared a moving testimony that she is tired of being treated for sexually transmitted infections caused by her husband and sought advice on what to do.
In response, other women advised her to find herself a boyfriend.
"Mutsvagire babamunini iwe," they shouted.
A pastor's wife said; "Even men of the cloth are drooling over members of their flock. My husband is a pastor, but he is cheating with his parishioners."
Women complained that cheating by men knew no age as elderly men were also cheating.
"Amai tashaya recipe yevarume ava even as old as we are, my husband cheats. When our children send money from the diaspora he spends it with his girlfriends. Vanonyatsodei varume ava," she said.
Another woman said most men were not taking care of their families and if their wives find boyfriends to look after them, the husband locks them "runyoka".
Men too voiced their grievances with Mr Gwatidzo Nyamayedenga blaming the issue of equal rights for the troubles being witnessed today.
"People lack understanding of what equal rights mean to our family structures. Our children speak of rights, and our wives speak of equal rights, where does that leave our families? These rights ignore the structures of our cultures and tradition, thereby conflicting with what we hold dear to our families and our marriages," he said.
Mr Nyamayedenga said when men work, they are told to give their spouses money but the same favour is not extended by women.
"Which bank is this because we are being oppressed," he charged.
Men jokingly said if a wife regularly shouts in the home, she becomes "Worries invited forever", but when she brings forth happiness she becomes a "Wonderful Item For entertainment"
Pastor Zhou warned that the dilution of local norms and values with foreign cultures had a negative effect on marriages and families.
Men largely felt that corporal punishment should be restored to build good morals among children so that they grow up well-mannered.
"In our home now lives two cockerels. Women are now cockerels and our children do not know the perfect registers of responding when we call them. It's even difficult to show love in a home without respect," he said.
Young men underscored the need for boys and girls to attend the Gota/Nhanga/Ixhiba sessions which give them the basis to hold on to their virginity and get into marriages with core values that keep marriages intact.
"Phones are now used for wrong reasons which destroys peace and marriage. The phones are password protected, but why should married people hide one another's passwords?
"It used to be women who committed suicide when we cheated on them but now tables have turned and men are hanging themselves after being cheated," one man said.
In all the nine districts, the First Lady introduced mukando to economically empower women and as a motivational factor, she is part of the scheme.
In the Midlands Province, women are swimming in success through similar schemes that were initiated by the First Lady during her tenure as a legislator, Amai is still a member.
She advised women to form committees for coordination of the scheme.
Addressing the combined session, Dr Mnangagwa said; "Issues that I am hearing during my travels across the country are to the effect that men and women are no longer getting along well in marriages because of trust issues. Many marriages are collapsing because of cheating by both parties. Women have resorted to doing their own things saying no one should ask them. During the Gota/Nhanga/Ixhiba session, the children said I had done well in teaching them, but I had to also address Grace and Richard. When I asked who these were, they said these were their parents.
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"Children are ascribing some of their naughtiness to what is obtaining between their parents back home. Great teachings for children must start from the parents hence my decision to come and address you today.
There is nothing as painful as knowing that your spouse is cheating. In our marriage, we pledged to live with each other well. As a mother, I urge you to live together in love and harmony as we raise our children together. Cheating or revenge cheating is never a solution. I thank you for coming in large numbers so that we discuss and build our homes," she said.
Mashonaland East Provincial Affairs and Devolution Minister Aplonia Munzverengwi praised the First Lady for her life-transforming programmes.
"Amai, you have done many programmes that have uplifted the nation. We see you traversing the length and breadth of the country and this Afrikana Family Humanism programme has come here to Mashonaland East Province and we have faith that you have built our homes," she said.
Speaking at the same occasion, Chief Nenguwo also praised Dr Mnangagwa for her well-thought-out programme.
"The biggest challenge is that some homes had rattled and collapsed, but our mother has today come to revive the homes. I first blame men because a woman requires love and that is why she left her family.
"Some men handle women like a rag and insult them together with their parents. How then do you expect that woman to show you love? There are many women with six children or more, with invisible men in the homes, kunana baba vezita chete. Nowadays we no longer have aunties who counselled people like in the years gone by. I encourage you to form groups of married women.
"We do not want married women who join naughty girls, leave those ones. Come up with groups of training girls in line with the First Lady's programme and teach one another about what men want, how they must be treated and help one another. Communicate well in the home without being offended when told certain things. Money is causing challenges in the home. If you get US$5, give it to your wife, she is your small bank. Do not make your wives come across the money by mistake as she does laundry after forgetting to hide it," the chief said to applause.
Another man weighed in saying; "Rights for learners need to be lowered and the corporal punishment element must be restored so that we tame the drug menace in communities and schools. Nowadays children are uncontrollable because the rights prevent us from controlling them."
Another contributor said people market themselves well before marriage only to show their true colours in marriage.
"When we proposed love to you, you were so excellent as you marketed yourselves and bathed well. Please maintain that standard in the home. You should also learn bedroom language and not make it a courtroom."
