Suddenly finding yourself alone after many years of marriage shatters the foundation of your existence. As well as the pain of a broken heart, you have to deal with the practicalities of separation while trying to remain strong for your children. With Christmas bounding down the door, the good cheers of revellers could leave you reaching for your box of Kleenex.
Will the pain ever go away? A few months ago, Mercy's marriage came crashing down around her ears. "My husband and I'd been married for 18 years. I still love him, but he says there's no chance we'll ever get together again. He currently lives with his pregnant girlfriend and our two children are old enough to understand what is going on. I'm absolutely devastated and don't know how to move on," she said as the tears threatened to well up.
She continued: "I'm absolutely devastated and don't know how to move on," she said as the tears threatened to well up. She continued: "I'm dreading Christmas, which will be my first without him. I'm also worried about our children who'd always had Christmas outings with their dad - they miss him so much." The sad fact is that, like Mercy, many betrayed wives and partners are floundering in the wake of a sudden and unexpected betrayal. The bleakness gets worse around the festive period when most families are agog with the festivities.
"I was in hospital when I first noticed a difference in my husband's behaviour," continued Mercy. "And, in no time at all, he started displaying all the usual signs of having an affair, like changing his underwear from Y-fronts to boxers, wearing new and expensive after-shave, chewing gum - the list is endless. It got to a point where I had to cling to some shred of self-pride, so I left him, hoping that would bring him back to his senses. But, he revealed in his freedom.
"As I said, it happened some few months ago, I go out with good friends - who are invaluable when you're traumatised. I go to clubs too and although I initially found it hard, I go out with other men I find attractive. Still, there's no easy way of coming to terms with the break-up of my marriage. I love my ex-husband but he's now happy with someone else. Life goes on. And, you have to move on. Doctors can give you pills to help with depression. But in the end, it's up to you to claw back your life and it's always useful to talk to people who've been in the same boat."
When Ruth's husband got promoted to head a branch office in his firm, she wasn't very happy as his new station was in another state. "But the new salary was mouth-watering," she said, "so I agreed that he should give it a go. He settled in easily, found himself a good one-bedroom flat and visited most weekends.
He'd been in his new post 18 months when I discovered my husband had been having a fling - that the woman was actually living in. I was a nervous wreck, begging him to end the relationship. Instead of him to do that, he stopped his weekend visit.
"Towards Christmas of last year, however, he returned home, telling me the affair was over and begging for forgiveness. Things were tense between us and it didn't take me long to find out he was still seeing her as she'd relocated to Lagos. By this time I'd realized I wasn't any happier with him back at home than I had been when he was gone. I simply packed my bags, took our only child and left. Having made this decision, I knew I had to move on with my life.
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I found a good apartment, and as luck would have it, landed a much better job. I began to make friends with colleagues in my new office and managed to combine bringing up my child with working, having a social life and dating. I'm now in a wonderful relationship. I don't know if it'll have a happy ending - I've been through too much to take anything for granted. But I'm sure my life is now happier than it would have been had I stayed married to someone who constantly walked all over my emotions..."
