As part of 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, I share a painful story that has haunted me every day since that one fateful Saturday morning.
I cannot begin to express the sorrow and regret that I feel.
On that day, my husband and I received a phone call at 04h00 from the police.
They told us they had been called to our son's house and had bad news: Our son shot and killed his wife and then shot himself in front of their two young children - an 11-year-old son and a five-year-old daughter.
I want to say my name, but the emotions are still too raw. Everyone is angry with us, especially since my son is no longer here to face the consequences. So, I remain anonymous - but my story must be told.
Please forgive me. I apologise on behalf of my son. I am sorry, I am sorry, for the pain he caused.
The shock, disbelief and overwhelming grief we feel is indescribable. How could this happen? Our son wasn't a violent person - he never showed any signs of aggression. But the weight of guilt, the judgement and the anger from society quickly became unbearable.
People said we raised a monster and in our hearts, we feared they were right.
As parents, we are left asking ourselves the hardest questions. My husband, devastated, kept repeating, "I raised that boy to respect women. What could have driven him to do this?"
We knew that his wife was emotionally abusive to him, but how could we speak up now? Was it her fault? Could we really blame her for everything?
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Why didn't I encourage my son to leave when I saw the signs of emotional abuse? But I also did not know better.
We have normalised emotional abuse as just how some women behave towards their partners.
Though I know my son wasn't jealous or possessive, the tragedy leaves me wondering if we missed something, something deeper that pushed him to commit this horrific act.
My husband, a proud Christian man, couldn't cope with the shame. The loss of our son and the other parents' daughter was too much for him and soon after, the toll of mourning consumed him. He passed away, leaving me to carry the weight of this burden alone.
But somehow, I still feel there was something deeper that drove my son to this act, something rooted in the emotional and psychological abuse within his relationship.
I don't have the right to say it, but I have to say it: Young people, please seek help when you are dealing with problems in your relationship. To my daughter-in-law's parents, her friends, her loved ones: I am so, so sorry. I am sorry, I am sorry.
For support, please reach out:
- · GBV national toll free helpline: 106
- · Lifeline/Childline Namibia toll free: 116· Say yes to ending gender-based violence
This article is published as part of the collaboration between the United Nations, The Namibian, Desert Radio 95.3FM, NFA, and Namdeb as part of 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence.
