Four months ago, during one of my habitual visits to a bookstore, a book cover caught my eye. It featured a photograph of our CEO, Mesafint Tefera, which immediately initiated my curiosity and compelled me to pick it up.
To my delight, I discovered that our CEO had authored this book, "ፈገግታሽን ፍለጋ" (Pursuit of Your Smile). My enthusiasm was tempered only slightly by the fact that fiction ranks very low in my reading preference. Yet, my curiosity won, and I delved into the book, a collection of ten short stories. Its format succinct and captivating made it an enjoyable read.
What stood out to me most were the elegance of the language, the realism, authenticity, and the relevance of the narratives to real-world scenarios. These qualities made the book an impressive work. However, rather than reflecting on the book as a whole or all its stories, I wanted to focus specifically on the first story, "ከጥላቻ ወዲያ" (Beyond Hatred), as it resonated deeply with me due to a personal connection to a similar incident in my own extended family.
The story of Beyond Hatred remained vivid in my mind even months after reading it. This is largely because it parallels a real-life event that occurred within my relative's family last year. For 25 years, this family had been childless due to medical challenges faced the wife, who is my relative. Unexpectedly, the husband revealed that he had fathered three children with another woman. This revelation shocked the family and led the wife to request a divorce. Resolving the situation took over three months, and remarkably, the marriage did not end in divorce.
In Beyond Hatred, the narrative unfolds as a tragedy. Aklog and Helen, married for four years, had been unable to conceive a child despite enjoying a loving relationship. However, unbeknown to Helen, Aklog had fathered a child a year earlier with her close friend, Yodit. Helen, through her determined investigation, eventually discovered the truth. This revelation shattered her emotionally and psychologically, leaving her feeling that her world--and her marriage--had been irreparably destroyed.
In response to her pain, Helen devised a meticulously calculated plan to exact revenge on Aklog. Her strategic action, executed with precision and secrecy, ultimately resulted in his demise, bringing the story to a tragic conclusion.
The story addresses a timeless issue in human relationships: the impact of infertility on marital stability. Since the dawn of history, the inability to conceive has strained marriages, often leading to conflicts, betrayals, and emotional scars, as seen in both Aklog and Helen's story and the real-life incident in my extended family.
Reflecting on the themes in Beyond Hatred, I explore four key lessons derived from the story, emphasizing their broader implications for life and relationships.
Husbands should learn from Aklog's mistake
Aklog's action was a direct violation of the vows and principles that form the foundation of marriage. His decision to engage in an extramarital affair and father a child in secret was not only a betrayal to Helen but also an attack on the sanctity of their union. What compounded the gravity of his action was that the affair involved Helen's friend, Yodit, which amplified the emotional damage.
This betrayal not only undermined the trust Helen had in him but also revealed a lack of respect for their shared commitment. By acting in secrecy, Aklog behaved as though he could circumvent the ethical obligations of marriage, akin to stealing trust like a thief.
Aklog's folly was further underscored by his misguided belief that his action could remain hidden. In an age of advanced communication and technology, secrets are increasingly difficult to keep, particularly when one's spouse is as resourceful and skilled as Helen, a computer science graduate employed at Ethio Telecom. His failure to recognize this reality demonstrated not only poor judgment but also a lack of foresight.
Helen, despite her own emotional challenges, had displayed remarkable maturity and selflessness by proposing a solution to their marital issue. She had urged Aklog to divorce her and pursue a life with another woman who could give him children. Aklog's response at the time had been prudent and reassuring, as he vowed to stay with her. However, despite his comforting words, Aklog's action betrayed his promise. Instead of taking the opportunity to address their challenges openly, he chose deceit, which led Helen to lament.
Aklog's decision to cheat on his marriage ultimately cost him his life. His action not only devastated Helen but also eroded the trust and foundation of their relationship. This tragic outcome serves as a cautionary tale for husbands: betraying one's spouse is not only a violation of trust but also a destructive act with far-reaching consequences.
Husbands must take their roles as protectors, providers, and leaders within the family seriously. A wise and civilized man does not resort to deceit or infidelity; instead, he seeks constructive solutions to marital challenges. Upholding honesty and trust is paramount to fostering a stable and fulfilling marriage.
The story of Beyond Hatred serves as a powerful reminder that cheating on one's partner is not only a personal failure but also a breach of the moral and emotional obligations inherent in marriage. By learning from Aklog's mistakes, husbands can strive to preserve the integrity of their relationships and avoid the tragic consequences depicted in the story.
Women should use their wisdom to build, not to destroy
Helen's calculated revenge on her husband, Aklog, illustrates the destructive potential of unchecked emotions. Although Aklog's betrayal was undeniably hurtful and morally wrong, Helen's response far exceeded the bounds of ethical behavior. Her systematic, deceptive strategies culminated in an act that not only destroyed her husband but also eroded her own moral integrity.
Helen's action stands as a cautionary tale. Rather than channeling her intelligence and resourcefulness toward vengeance, she could have used her wisdom to guide her husband toward abandoning his illicit relationship. Throughout history, women have often been acknowledged for their profound wisdom and ability to influence their partners positively. This universal truth underscores the idea that women, with their innate strength and intuition, have the power to correct and support their spouses in overcoming flaws or temptations.
As the adage goes, "A woman is a multiplier." She has the remarkable ability to transform what she is given--groceries into meals, a house into a home, and even disappointment into chaos. Aklog betrayed Helen by cheating on her, but she amplified that betrayal into destruction, ultimately leading to his demise. This reflection serves as a reminder of the immense responsibility that comes with such power: wisdom should be wielded to nurture and uplift rather than to harm and destroy.
Love, at its core, seeks to heal and build, not to harm. Despite professing love for her husband, Helen's action defied this fundamental principle. Revenge, no matter how justified it may seem, should never be invited in such intimate relationship.
The sanctity of marriage must be upheld
Marriage is an institution of profound significance, rooted in mutual commitment, trust, and unity. In its essence, marriage transcends modern societal interpretations that often prioritize superficial measures of success, such as the presence of children or material wealth.
The story of Beyond Hatred underscores the importance of recognizing marriage as an honorable and sacred union. When the sanctity of marriage is undermined--whether through betrayal, neglect, or a lack of commitment--the quality of life within the relationship deteriorates. Helen and Aklog's tragedy highlights how losing sight of the deeper purpose of marriage can lead to destructive consequences.
The primary purpose of marriage is not limited to having children, engaging in physical intimacy, or sharing resources; it is about building a partnership based on mutual love, trust, and respect. When this purpose is forgotten, abuse becomes inevitable. Recognizing marriage as an institution deserving of honor is crucial to preserving its integrity and fostering healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Forgiveness is a necessary virtue
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At the heart of Helen and Aklog's story lies the absence of forgiveness a virtue that could have transformed their narrative from one of tragedy to one of redemption. Helen's inability to forgive Aklog ultimately led to the destruction of their marriage and her own peace of mind.
Forgiveness is essential in any relationship, particularly in marriage. Human beings are inherently fallible, and mistakes are an inevitable part of life. By forgiving one another, partners can move beyond grievances, heal emotional wounds, and strengthen their bond. In Helen's case, extending forgiveness to Aklog might have allowed them to rebuild their marriage and regain the harmony they once shared.
Notably, Aklog's continued communication with Helen, even amidst her deceptive schemes, indicates that he still loved and trusted her. Despite his wrongdoing, he viewed her as his partner and continuously sought her companionship. Helen's failure to recognize this and her decision to act on vengeance rather than compassion deprived them both of the opportunity to restore their relationship.
Moreover, Helen's action likely left her with lasting emotional consequences. While she succeeded in her plan to destroy Aklog, she also destroyed a part of herself in the process. It is unlikely that she will find peace or happiness in future relationships, as the guilt of her actions will linger as a heavy burden on her conscience. True healing for both Helen and Aklog would have been possible only through forgiveness, which Helen tragically failed to extend.
The story of Beyond Hatred offers valuable lessons on the complexities of marriage, the destructive nature of revenge, and the redemptive potential of forgiveness. Women, like Helen, possess immense wisdom and strength that can be used to nurture and heal rather than harm. Marriage, as an institution, demands respect, commitment, and a recognition of its sanctity. And above all, forgiveness is a powerful force that can transform even the most painful betrayals into opportunities for growth and renewal. As readers, we are reminded that while mistakes are an inherent part of human relationships, it is through love, wisdom, and forgiveness that true healing and harmony can be achieved.
