Last weekend, a family in Oshipeto village in Omusati had to deal with a double blow after a 31-year-old man took his own life a day before the scheduled burial of his deceased brother.
The suicide victim, who was a resident of Okandjengedi section of Oshakati, informed neighbours at his rented lodgings that he was travelling to his village of Oshipeto for his brother's funeral.
But unbeknownst to them, he was carrying a much heavier burden - one which would lead him to end his own life afore he could lay his brother to rest. He was ironically saying his goodbyes to his neighbours.
His death was among six suicide cases recorded by the Namibian Police across the country, with only one of the victims being a woman.
Men don't cry
The catchphrase 'men don't cry' has been thrown around at every turn since time immemorial.
Men are socialised to be macho and never break a tear or exhibit any weakness, in any shape or form. This is the school of thought ingrained and deeply inculcated in their psyche. It carries with it an expectation that is far more than one can handle, and the impact it has on men's and boys' mental health is evidence of this, experts opine.
To put figures to it, the estimated death by suicide rate among men has remained very high for many years at over 80%, while the rates for women are under 20%.
Expert views
To zero in on the high rates of suicides among men, New Era spoke to various experts on the topic.
Ngamane Karuaihe-Upi, a social activist who also prefers to be known as a relationship mechanic, said one of the biggest lies on the planet is that "men don't cry."
"That's a lie. Men do cry. They show it, and they cry at their utmost when they commit suicide. Men abuse alcohol and drugs to numb the pain, and become aggressive to numb their discomfort in life. They are crying in a way. That's why saying men don't cry is the biggest lie on the planet," he asserted.
Karuaihe-Upi stated that the phrase was a war lyric back in the days because as a man "you had to be the provider, the protector, the warrior, the soldier, the defender of family and nation," thus had no business crying or showing emotions.
However, this is a major concern, as men too require a safe space where they can say, "I am in pain, I am suffering, I have problems that are bothering me," and to feel free to do so without fear of condemnation.
Furthermore, he said men lack the support systems that women have, such as the Aawambo's Olufuko, a rite of passage which prepares women for adulthood, and teaches them how to be a woman, a wife and a mother.
Karuaihe-Upi denounced the situation where when a man asks for help, he is viewed as weak by society, which shows that men are being conditioned and socialised to be emotionally detached.
Men are furthermore viewed as providers who must never seek assistance. Worse still, those who extend a hand asking for help are berated as 'stingy' and other contemporary phrases. But men are also afflicted by the same kinds of issues that affect women and children, including loneliness, anxiety, depression, hopelessness and frustration.
Karuaihe-Upi furthermore pointed out that culturally, men are particularly not expected to express themselves, which results in them bottling up all their problems.
"Cultures and religions oppress men into being self-sabotaging, encouraging them to be providers and leaders. Thus, they are not allowed to cry because then they are seen as failures", he noted.
As such, there is need for structures and frameworks within society and within cultures which bring men together to help them know themselves better, and to support one another.
Interventions
Clinical psychologist Mirjam Madhimba began by stating that suicide is not a mental illness, but rather one of the most common outcomes of mental illnesses.
One must thus be mentally ill, including with depression, anxiety and being bipolar, before proceeding to commit suicide, and not that suicide is a mental illness.
"Men are four times more likely to die from suicide than women, with contributing factors including, but not limited to, unemployment and financial problems, relationship problems, substance abuse-related problems, poor coping skills, etc.," she said. Madhimba asserted that research also links unhelpful societal, cultural and religious beliefs and norms as contributing to the prevalence of suicide in society.
Moreover, a shortage of mental health professionals and inadequate coverage of mental health services exacerbate suicide incidences. She said to prevent incidences of suicide in society, a holistic approach is required.
This entails demystifying harmful cultural beliefs and practices, including the stereotype that men do not cry or show emotions except anger, or do not speak about their challenges; increasing mental health awareness; reducing stigma associated with mental illness; and increasing mental health resources.
Pastor Laban Mwashekele of the Evangelical Baptist Church in Namibia equated the saying 'men don't cry' to a life of denial.
"When you say a man doesn't cry, that is a life of denial. Because when they do not cry, their pain becomes too bitter, which results in suicide. If they had cried, if they had expressed themselves to others, then they would have been helped."
He pointed out that Biblically, even Jesus Christ wept at least four times. As such, the phrase is encouraged by cultural norms, which deny men the right to express themselves.
The man of cloth added that this becomes a problem because people need to offload their troubles, and when they do not do that and let one problem after another pile up, "you become overloaded, like an overloaded bag that explodes."
Basically, he said men have the highest suicide rates because they don't seek help when in need. He thus advised them to seek assistance when necessary, rather than allowing issues to fester.
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Other factors are that spiritually, man has deviated from his Creator, morally they are not following the instructions of parents, and in the modern way, they want to be crowd-pleasers, living beyond their means, which results in the stress of huge debts.
Numbers
Providing an overview of suicide in Namibia during the commemoration of World Mental Health Day in October, chief social worker in the Hardap region Renee Watzdorf reported that in 2023, the country recorded 422 suicides, of which 60% were men.
These are not just statistics, but real people: fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts, friends, colleagues, boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives, and individuals who contributed meaningfully to society's upward trajectory.
Last year, the Namibian Police Force revealed that 542 cases of suicide were recorded for the 2023/2024 financial year. Of this figure, 449 were men, 80 women, eight boys, and five girls.
The youngest suicide victim was five years old, while the oldest was 103 years.
To this day, these figures are evident in the police's weekly crime reports, raising concerns about mental health issues within society. It has furthermore been observed that suicide poses a significant challenge in the country, and requires urgent, serious interventions to effectively prevent these tragedies. -mukubeiuze@gmail.com
