Zimbabwe: What's Nees Still Doing Here?

Howard Musonza, Head — If Michael Nees was coaching his native Germany, would he still be in a job today?

Let's not kid ourselves, the Germans would've packed his bags long before Monday's embarrassment in Bloemfontein.

Zimbabwe's 1-0 defeat to Lesotho didn't just close another World Cup qualifying campaign. It exposed a coach who is completely out of his depth. The Warriors finished bottom of Group C, winless in ten games, behind South Africa, Nigeria, Benin, Lesotho and Rwanda. In total, Nees has won only two competitive matches since his appointment last year, both against Namibia.

If this were Germany, the DFB would've fired him before breakfast.

In fact, the DFB once did just that.

In September 2023, after a 4-1 humiliation in a friendly at home to Japan, Germany fired Hansi Flick, the first men's national team coach ever sacked since 1926. The DFB president, Bernd Neuendorf, didn't mince words, "We need optimism and self confidence... sporting success is the top priority."

Read that again. Sporting success is the top priority.

Now look at us. We're sitting here trying to justify mediocrity as if it's part of our DNA.

Germany has always demanded excellence. Four World Cups for the men. Two for the women. A football culture that unites a nation, not divides it. They don't entertain failure, not even from their own.

Joachim Low left after a dismal 2018 World Cup campaign, and even then, the federation gave him three years to fix it. When it didn't improve, they moved on. No drama. No "let's be patient." Just accountability.

In contrast, Nees has delivered 12 points from 36, half of them against Namibia, and somehow still collects his paycheque with a straight face.

So here's my question again, if Nees were coaching Germany, what would he have done by now? Resigned? Refused to embarrass his own country further? Or waited for a polite email from Zifa that never comes?

Let's rewind back to 2024 when CAPS United beat Dynamos 2-1 at Rufaro. Lloyd Chitembwe should've been celebrating. Instead, he lit the fuse. In the post-match press conference, the CAPS coach unleashed one of the most direct verbal attacks we've heard in years, calling Michael Nees a clown.

Chitembwe's fury wasn't misplaced. His captain, Godknows Murwira was barred from the derby because Nees wanted him in camp for Afcon qualifiers against Namibia. Dynamos also lost their skipper Emmanuel Jalai, yet Nees allowed goalkeeper Martin Mapisa to play. The inconsistency alone was insulting.

"All the foreign-based players played for their clubs, Munetsi featured for Reims last night," said Chitembwe. "Then some clown somewhere thinks he can make decisions for a team I coach. It appears we've been colonised in football terms."

He went further. "When Jairos Tapera was in charge, PSL refused to release players, which was within the rules. But this time, because he's a murungu (white man), they listened. That's what's wrong with our football. We've allowed people to bully us."

Those are heavy words. But they cut deep because they're true.

Chitembwe wasn't just angry about one player; he was questioning a system that bends for outsiders and breaks for locals. "If it were Mourinho, I'd understand," he said, "but this? Honestly, guys, let's be serious." Then he walked out.

For a man known for measured tones, that was an explosion. And maybe it needed to happen. Sometimes it takes someone inside the trenches to call out the circus.

Ironically, Germany, the land Nees comes from, revolutionised football with ideas that made it bold, fast and fearless. Jürgen Klopp gave the world Gegenpressing, that high press, high energy style that wins back the ball before opponents can breathe. Bayern Munich turned defence into attack within seconds.

German coaching became a global export; Klopp, Tuchel, and Nagelsmann all built on intensity and tactical bravery. So, where's that DNA in our Warriors?

Under Nees, we've seen the opposite: deep defensive lines, half-hearted pressing, and a team allergic to risk. We defend to survive instead of attacking to win. We talk of "structures" while losing matches that used to define us.

Our football has become passive, predictable and painfully slow.

Whatever "German influence" Nees promised has been lost in translation.

We concede early and spend ninety minutes chasing games. That's not a tactic, that's a recurring nightmare. In tournament football, where margins are small, starting slow is an early ticket home.

Chitembwe called him a clown. Harsh? Maybe. Accurate? Painfully so.

Because right now, Nees' project looks less like a rebuild and more like a rehearsal for excuses.

A coach from a nation that invented pressing football has delivered a team that hardly presses at all.

A man from a culture obsessed with excellence is content with survival.

When Nees appeared on The Couch on ZTN Prime, he spoke about "achieving the mandate" because Zimbabwe qualified for Afcon. His reasoning? "If you had not qualified, you would have gone two years back," he said, adding that he'd given chances to 40 players, many of them local.

Fair point, but here's the truth: qualifying for Afcon is not a medal, it's a minimum requirement. You don't get applauded for opening the door; you get judged for what you do once you're inside the house.

And now, inside that house, Afcon 2025 opens for us on December 22 with Egypt in Agadir; the Pharaohs, Africa's seven-time kings, versus the Warriors, Africa's most unpredictable guests. A few days later, we meet Angola in Marrakech, then close out against South Africa on December 29.

Bafana Bafana, fresh from qualifying for the 2026 World Cup, are brimming with confidence. Egypt are Egypt; efficient, ruthless, and coached by men who live for trophies.

Meanwhile, we're still hoping "building for the future" can sneak us through the present.

If this group doesn't expose the gap between ambition and preparation, nothing will.

Does anyone honestly believe the Warriors can beat Egypt, Angola, or even South Africa under Nees?

I don't.

This isn't negativity. It's realism. You can't take a car that stalled through ten qualifiers and expect it to roar at Afcon.

Zimbabweans deserve better. We can't keep clapping for average and expect greatness to drop by. If Nees truly believes in the values of his homeland, discipline, honesty, and accountability, he should do what Germans do best: admit failure and make way for change.

The Warriors don't need lectures about "projects." They need belief, bravery, and a plan that doesn't start with "we'll try."

So, Michael Nees, be the German you say you are. Show us that pride, that principle, that self-respect.

Because right now, the only thing you're pressing is our patience.

Read the original article on The Herald.

Zimbabwe: What's Nees Still Doing Here?

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