We have been blessed with not one, but two Zumas to possibly lead us after the elections. One nation, two Spears! What a time to be alive?!?!

Dear readers, compatriots, and would-be Zuma wives.

It has been a while since I have written to you, and for this I must apologise. I try as much as I can to avoid excusing my shortcomings, but in this case, askies tog. Lately I have found myself totally incapacitated; unable to do anything or contemplate any other matter other than the great conundrum of our time: which Zuma is the right Zuma for me?

I know beyond a shadow of doubt that, just like me, most of you - if not all of you - overflowed with rapturous ecstasy on 16 December 2023, upon hearing the news that our country's single most beloved politicking human, the benevolent Jacob G Zuma, would be leaving the ANC to build a new home, a sanctuary, a piece of heaven if you will, for us, his most faithful followers.

I for one will never forget the moment I heard the news; Matthew 18:3-5 suddenly came to mind: "Verily I say unto you, except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven." I immediately knew mine and my fellow Zuma followers' toddler-esque faith was being...